There’s a school of thought primarily espoused by the Buddhist philosophy which emphasizes putting one’s focus on attention on the here and now. This is what is called as “mindfulness”, which is described as:
Bishop et al. (2004:232) regard psychological “mindfulness”, broadly conceptualized, as “a kind of nonelaborative, nonjudgmental, present-centered awareness in which each thought, feeling, or sensation that arises in the attentional field is acknowledged and accepted as it is”.
I think this is my present state of mind, a reason why I haven’t been blogging for some time. Due to circumstances in my life, both work and personal, I have been mostly living in the present, or as that popular U2 song goes, it’s like being “stuck in a moment and you can’t get out of it.”
Self-reflection can get stressful sometimes, particularly when one is stuck at a decision impasse. Having a ton of things to do, hanging at the back of your mind, also contributes to the halt in the reflection process. I don’t want to dwell on my problems. I want to be here and now, focusing on what needs to be done and making the right moves.
Dwelling on recent events in my life only served to make me depressed and anxious. Mindfulness served to heighten my focus and kill any emotional resonance (both good and bad). When the emotions were too strong to take, I escaped to a form of mindlessness… of clearing my mind from all static and keeping it blank. This is probably why I have been sleepy all the time. Sleep is a form of escape and mindlessness. It allows me to confront my hurts in a way that does not involve dwelling on the pain.
Whether or not this is a psychologically healthy way of dealing with heavy emotions remains to be seen, but for now, this is how I cope.
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A good friend reminded me of something which I am taking to heart nowadays. It’s always good to be grateful. Even in the midst of all the problems, heartaches, and work-stress, one must always take the time out to see something beautiful and wonderful, and just be thankful for it.
In a way, it just opens one up to receive the bigger blessings in life, and for the true desires of one’s heart.
For me, it’s just a good way of being happy and choosing to be happy in spite of everything that gets me down.
I am thankful for this, no matter how brief, that I got to write just for myself again. I am thankful for food on the table, and a little money in my pocket. I am thankful that I get to make my parents happy. I am thankful for great weather, great friends, and a little time out for small distractions. I am thankful for good health.
Tomorrow is another day facing the grindstone.
But I face it with a smile on my face, a song in my heart, and a fallen star in my pocket.
